 A part of the forthcoming book, The Septic's Companion. AB C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W Y Z   These are the last three beers people kinder than you bought me. Click on them to see more or buy me one. Feel guilty? Think of the children I might have, and such like. |
abseil v dangle oneself from a cliff at the end of a rope. In the U.S. military, abseil is used to distinguish face-out dangling from the more conventional face-in rappelling, but civilian Americans know the whole dangling business as “rappeling.” The word is apparently derived from the German abseilen, meaning simply “to rope down.” Those crazy Germans and their crazy language. aerial n bent bit of wire intended to collect radio waves for your computer, television or some such device. The manufacturers don’t call them bent bits of wire. Their marketing chaps have many fancy words like “impedance” and “gain,” but back at the factory all the guys are just bending wire. Americans call these devices “antennas,” though aerial is in limited use in the U.S., too. afters n dessert. One would imagine that they’re so named because they come after the main meal, but actually they take their name from their inventor, Sir George After, the Fat Bastard of Brighton. AGA n large coal-filled cooking stove not dissimilar to an American “range.” AGA is a brand name; the company primarily produces those giant cooking stoves that are filled with coal and the whole of the top of the thing gets very hot indeed. They’re a bit dated now, but pretty much everyone’s granny had one. agony aunt n advice columnist – a newspaper or magazine employee who responds publicly to readers’ impassioned pleas for help on a wide range of issues, but most commonly sex. Read by a large sector of the population, each of whom hopes to find a vicarious solution to their own dark sexual inadequacies. alight v disembark. Many American tourists are confronted with this word quite rapidly after reaching the U.K., because on the London Underground the pre-recorded message says such things as: "This is Baker Street. Alight here for Madame Tussauds.” Madame Tussauds is a cheesy attraction and best avoided. The voice on the tube only says the part about the alighting. aluminium (al-yoo-min-i-um) n aluminum. Who is correct about this one is a matter for some debate. We can at least say that Hans Ørsted, the Danish gentleman who discovered it in 1824, had based its name on the Latin word “alumus,” denoting the mineral alum. The difference in spelling seems to have originated when very early printed material advertising his talks on the subject contained the two different spellings in error. The general consensus seems to be that he had originally intended using the “British” spelling (borne out by International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry’s use of it, and the “ium” suffix that already graced many metallic elements at the time), but as he clearly didn’t make any efforts to correct anyone, we could conclude that he didn’t care too much either way. The American scientific community use the British spelling. anaesthetist n someone who administers anaesthetic. Americans call them “anesthesiologists,” perhaps so that by the time you reach the end of reading their name badge you’re practically asleep. anorak 1 n someone who’s a little bit too knowledgeable about one subject. Generally a subject like seventeenth-century flower pots or steam trains, rather than athletic sexual positions or gunfighting. Americans (and also Brits, as our languages merge ever closer) would call such a person a “geek.” It may originate with the fans of Radio Caroline, a U.K. offshore pirate radio station, whose fans had to don anoraks in order to visit the station. 2 n waterproof jacket (universal). answerphone n device plugged into the telephone which answers it for you when you’re out, playing an oh-so-hilarious message that you got from the internet, recorded from Seinfeld or made up yourself whilst plastered and forgot about. Americans call them “answering machines,” which has become more common than “answerphone” in the U.K. nowadays. anti-clockwise adv rotation in a direction which isn’t clockwise (as, well, the phrase suggests). Americans will know this better as “counter-clockwise”. Of course, anyone with half a brain could have worked this out themselves but never let it be said that we’re only paying lip-service to completeness. anyroad adv very much an equivalent of “anyway.” If you think about it, “any road” pretty much means “any way,” erm, anyway. arse n 1 what you sit on. Very close in meaning to the American “ass.” The only real way in which they differ is that you could call someone an “arse” without any adjective and without implying in the least that you thought s/he was a donkey of some sort. 2 I can’t be arsed I can’t be bothered. 3 interj rats. Used alone in a similar fashion to bollocks: I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but you’ve missed the last train. / Arse! arsehole n asshole. artic n abbr articulated vehicle, usually a large hauling truck or semi. articulated lorry adj semi truck which is able to bend in the middle. Of course, I just wrote pretty much the same thing two seconds ago. I’m beginning to understand why the guy who wrote the first Oxford English Dictionary ended up going mad and cutting his penis off. aubergine n large purple pear-shaped vegetable North Americans will recognise as “eggplant.” autumn n season between summer and winter. Americans call it “fall.” Americans, of course, also call it “autumn” which might have you wondering why it's in here at all. Well, my furry friend, it is in here because Brits never call it “fall". Think of this entry not so much as “autumn”, but more as "not fall”.