 A part of the forthcoming book, The Septic's Companion. A B C D E FG H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W Y Z   These are the last three beers people kinder than you bought me. Click on them to see more or buy me one. Feel guilty? Think of the children I might have, and such like. |
faff v pussyfoot; bumble about doing things that aren’t quite relevant to the task in hand. You’ll often find it used when men are complaining about women faffing around trying on different sets of clothes before going out, which uses up valuable drinking time. fag 1 n cigarette. In very widespread use. One of the most amusing emails I’ve had concerning this word was from an American who had arrived at her company’s U.K. offices to be told that the person she was looking for was “outside blowing a fag.” 2 n first year senior-school kids who have to perform menial tasks (cleaning boots, running errands and the like) for the seniors (slightly antiquated). Another email tells me of a man who was met with aghast looks when he told a group of New Yorkers that he “was a fag at school last year.” Modern thinking on slavery has seen that the practice of “fagging” all but die out. faggot 1 n particular variety of meatball. 2 n bundle of sticks. 3 n grumpy old woman (uncommon). 4 n cigarette (uncommon). 5 n prostitute (uncommon). Brits do not use it as a derisive term for a homosexual man. In reality, the American definition is well known (if not really used) U.K.-wide, so most of the jokes involving the various other meanings have already been made. They all stem from the original Norse word “fagg,” meaning a bundled-together collection of matter. Do prostitutes come in bundles, I wonder. fairy lights n Christmas lights. I’d like to describe these by reading from an entry in a fictional encyclopedia for aliens: Human beings celebrate Christmas by cutting the top off a tree, moving it to a pot in their living room, covering it with small electrical lights and standing a small model of a woman on its tip. As it dies, they drink alcohol, sing to it and give it gifts. fancy v be attracted to; have a crush on. Seen in contexts like, I really fancy that chap from the coffee shop or: Hey, Stu, I think that bird over there fancies you! Also carries the other various usual meanings common to U.S. English. fancy dress n [we think "fancy dress" means prom-wear; you lot mean something a little further along the spectrum of ridiculousness] fanny n female genitalia. This is another word which could leave you abroad and in dire straits. In the U.S., your “fanny” is your posterior and a “fanny pack” translates directly to what Brits call a “bum bag.” There’s a neoprene belt sold in the U.S. that is designed to stop snow from entering your clothes during a fall. It’s marketed under the name “Fanny Flaps.” film n movie. Brits don’t go to “the movies, ” they go to the cinema to see films. They do understand the American word, they just don’t use it. filth n police force. Slightly-less-than-complimentary. I ought to mention at this juncture that just because words are in this fine tome doesn’t mean to say that I use them regularly. fit adj attractive, when used to describe members of the opposite sex. Very similar to “tidy.” A “fit bird” is a fine specimen of the fairer sex, and one described as “fit as a butcher’s dog” might be particularly nice. fizzy drink n carbonated drinks. A generic term much like “soda” or perhaps “pop.” flag adj become tired; wane: I was doing fine until the last lap and then I started to flag. flannel 1 n slightly old-fashioned homonym for “face-cloth. 2 n nonsense: I watched the Prime Minister’s statement on telly this morning but it was just a bunch of flannel. flat n apartment or condominium. Derived from the Germanic Old English word “flet,” meaning “floor” (a flat occupies only one floor of a building). flatmate n roommates. floater n number-two which refuses to be flushed away. It is not, as one of my contributors discovered, an appropriate name for laptop that’s shared around various parts of the office. flog n sell. Has an air of poor credibility to it — a bloke in the pub might “flog” you a dodgy car stereo, but you’re less likely to find Marks and Spencer announcing in the press that from next week they’ll be flogging a new ladieswear range. Americans would probably use “hawk” in the same instances. Brits share the more conventional meaning of this word (to beat viciously). fluke n rather fortunate chance win. You might use it to describe the time your little sister beat you at darts. Well, unless your sister was a champion darts player or something. These examples are based upon my own family. flutter v brief, low-stake foray into gambling. Many people “have a flutter” on the Grand National horse race once a year, or the odd boxing match. Anything more regular, and it’s just straight gambling. football n soccer. Americans call a different game “football.” It doesn’t require much involvement from feet, and they don’t have a proper ball. Brits call that “American Football.” footpath n any path usable on foot — it can refer to ones used for hiking or just the sidewalk. fortnight n two weeks. The word is in very common usage in the U.K. As to why the Brits need a term for a time period which the Americans have never felt the urge to name, perhaps it stems from the fact that Americans get so little annual leave that they can never really take a fortnight’s holiday anyway. fringe n bangs. The bits of hair coming down over your forehead. So called because it’s the fringe of your hair. Americans call them “bangs” because they look like small explosions of hair emitting from the scalp. That may not true. The usual meaning of this word (the edge of something) applies on both sides of the continent. frog n French person. Slimy green amphibian. fry-up n meal (almost always breakfast) consisting of mostly fried stuff (sausage, eggs, bacon and the like). Ideal for those seeking heart disease. full monty, the n the works; the whole shebang. Since the 1997 film of the same name the phrase has tended to mean “completely naked” if not put in a context. full stop n period. The little dot at the end of a sentence, not the part of the menstrual cycle. Brits also use "full stop" for emphasis the same way that Americans use “period”: And I says to him, I'm not putting up with this any more, full stop.