 A part of the forthcoming book, The Septic's Companion. A B C D E F G HI J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W Y Z   These are the last three beers people kinder than you bought me. Click on them to see more or buy me one. Feel guilty? Think of the children I might have, and such like. |
haggis n a small Scottish mammal, unfortunately known better for the unpleasant-tasting dish it is often made into. There has been a lot of concern here lately that over-farming may endanger the remaining population - if you want to help, please voice your concerns to The World-Wide Fund for Nature. Please make it clear that you're American, and that you were made aware of the poor creature's plight by this fine piece of work. haha n a trench dug at the edge of one's garden as a replacement for a fence, so that the view from your garden to the surrounding countryside is unspoiled, but you aren't going to be deluged by animals or grotty peasants from the village. handbrake n parking brake/emergency brake. A "handbrake" operates like a normal brake pedal but only on the rear wheels. Before the days of speed-cameras, Brits used to use the handbrake to slow down when they passed police cars as the brake lights don't go on and it's not so obvious you were speeding. hand-luggage n carry-on baggage. Belongings you are intending carrying into an aeroplane rather than checking into the hold. hard adj tough. A "hard man" is a tough guy, someone who won't take any flack. This amuses Americans, for obvious reasons. hard shoulder n shoulder. The roughly-surfaced bit at the side of the road that you're only supposed to drive on if you've broken down, have fallen asleep at the wheel or desperately need to wee. haver v Scot. Pron. "hay-ver". ramble incoherently.The word is in common usage, and features in the Proclaimers' song I'm Gonna Be (500 miles). having kittens interj extremely nervous. For some reason. head boy n the highest-achieving pupil in the school - synonymous with Dux. hen-night n Bachelorette Party. This is the girls-only night out, centering on the bride, before a wedding. It seems to be a legal requirement that the bride is wearing a wedding dress, some traffic cones and L-plates and that everybody but the bride ends up sleeping with some random bloke, just to annoy her. higgledy-piggledy adj in disarray; jumbled up. You might use it to describe the garden shed you built when you got home from the pub. The term is a little antiquated but still in use. high tea n a light meal usually consisting of sandwiches, tea and scones and served in the late afternoon. It's now rather restricted to the upper classes (who have nothing better to do in the afternoons) but many posh London hotels serve it, for an appropriately preposterous sum of money. high-street n main street. The main road through somewhere. Nowehere in particular. Could be anywhere. Although, thinking about it, it would probably have to be somewhere in the UK. hill-walking n hiking. The term "hiking" is also used in the UK. You didn't really need to look this up in a dictionary, did you. You really couldn't work it out? What is this "hill walking" of which you speak? What could it entail? hire v rent. Americans rent rental-cars; Brits hire hire-cars. In the UK, the word extends to any other objects you might borrow for a short period of time - bicycles, bulldozers, hookers and such like. Americans will only ever use the word "hire" in connection with hiring a person to perform a task, not a machine. hob n rangetop/stovetop. The top bit of a cooker with the rings on it, where you put pans and things. hockey n field hockey. To a Brit, "hockey" is played on grass. "Ice hockey" is played on ice. holiday n vacation. Brits do not draw a distinction between the American personal "vacation" and shared public "holiday" days. What an American would call a "holiday", a Brit would call a "public holiday" or a "bank holiday". Scotland and England have bank holidays on different dates, presumably to stop the Scots and English meeting up and fighting in popular seaside towns. hood n convertible top. The bit of a convertible car that, well, converts. This only serves to complicate the bonnet/boot confusion. Brits do not use "hood" as an abbreviation of "neighbourhood". hoover n vacuum cleaner. v vacuuming. The Hoover Company was an early manufacturer of such devices, though originally it was invented by a company called British Vacuumation. Where are they now. They could have cleaned up. Sorry. how's your father n sex. Often used in the phrase "a bit of how's your father" and generally accompanied by a knowing wink. It's rather antiquated, but well understood. hum n unusually bad smell, perhaps somewhat associated with rottenness. Is rottenness a word? Who knows.