 A part of the forthcoming book, The Septic's Companion. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S TU V W Y Z   These are the last three beers people kinder than you bought me. Click on them to see more or buy me one. Feel guilty? Think of the children I might have, and such like. |
ta interj thank you. Often regarded as a little slovenly. It may be derived from the Scandinavian "tak", meaning much the same thing. table v put it forward for discussion: "I'd like to table this for discussion at the end of the meeting". To Americans, "table" means to put aside. Somehow these got separated, much like "momentarily". tackle n male genitalia. From the fishing term "block and tackle". Use your imagination. take-away n take-out. A hot food retailer (I think in this instance "restaurant" is a little too strong) which only sells things that you can take home and eat or stagger down the street drunkenly stuffing in your mouth and distributing down your shirt. Blimey, that tastes good. Damnit, I've left my credit card in the pub again. Where are my keys? taking the mickey interj essentially a more polite version of "taking the piss". Your grandmother would be much more likely to use this variant. taking the piss n make fun of: "Andy fell down the stairs on the way into the pub last night, and everyone spent the entire night taking the piss out of him". This is the most common term in British English to describe making fun of someone. Contrary to what one might assume, it doesn't involve a complex system of tubes or a bicycle pump. tannoy n public address system. The odd name derives rather simply from the fact that a company called Tannoy were among the more prominent early developers of such a device. Interestingly, American sound engineers use the word to describe the small high-fidelity playback speakers used in a recording studio. I say it's interesting because obviously the British use the word to refer to possibly the worst sound quality known to man. Tarmac n blacktop. The stuff that covers roads. Perhaps you'd like to hear some road-making history? Hmm? Or perhaps not. Perhaps you're sitting in bed naked, waiting for your husband to finish in the shower. Perhaps you're on a train in a strange foreign country, hoping that this stupid book was going to be much more of a tour guide than it turned out to be. Perhaps you're having a shit. Well, bucko, whatever you're doing you're stuck now, and so you're going to hear a little bit of road-making history. A long time ago, a Scotsman named John Loudon Macadam invented a way of surfacing roads with gravel, this coating being known as "Macadam" - a term also used in the US. "What happens when the road aged?", I hear you say. Well, I'm glad you asked. Unfortunately as the road aged the gravel tended to grind to dust and so it was coated with a layer of tar - this being "Tar-Macadam", which was concatenated to Tarmac. Somewhere in the mists of time the Americans ended up using this only to describe airport runways, but the Brits still use it to describe the road surface. tart n 1 party-girl, he says, to put it delicately. A girl easier to party on than others. Much the same as a "slapper", but slightly less extreme and a little more omnisexual. Tarts spend hours perfecting make-up, hair and clothes before going out and waiting at the side of the dance floor to be pulled. At the end of the evening, there's a tendancy for the tarts to slide towards slapperdom, just to make sure all that lip gloss doesn't go to waste. The word may or may not be derived from "sweetheart". 2 small cake with a filling - perhaps jam or fruit. So, when in "Alice Through the Looking Glass", the rhyme goes "the knave of hearts, he stole the tarts", he wasn't leaping off with his arms full of easy young ladies. The Brits also share the more international meaning of the word, when it's taken to mean "sour". tartan n, adj plaid. The stripes-and-checkers pattern that Scotsmen use for our kilts but is also used for all sorts of things from throw rugs to tacky seat covers. tater n N. Engl. potato. I really wanted to write 'tater for this, but I was terrified that it would break my alphabetical indexing. tea n evening meal. At the risk of sounding terrible, it's just a little "working class". Maybe that doesn't sound all that terrible. There are lots of more terrible things I could say. tea-break n coffee-break. A break away from work, ostensibly to have a cup of tea, but perhaps also to have coffee or a sly fag. tea-towel n dish-towel/dish-cloth. The thing you use to dry the dishes if you don't have a dishwasher. It's my belief that dishwashers are the most important invention of the twentieth century. Perhaps it'll be your belief too, now. telly n TV. The term "TV" is well used and understood in the UK, but "telly" is more common. terrestrial television n regular television; cable. Any television that doesn't come from a satellite. Until recently there was no cable TV in the UK, so any "terrestrial television" was beamed over radio waves and received by an aerial. The distinction is a bit hazy these days as the Brits are now fortunate enough to have cable TV. Nowadays, "terrestrial television" is generally used to refer to the five channels (BBC1, BBC2, ITV, Channel Four and Channel Five) which are transmitted via radio. tetchy adj touchy; irritable. tick n 1 check; check-mark. One of those little (usually handwritten) marks people put next to things to show that they're correct. Not the X (that's for wrong answers), the other one. 2 a very short space of time, very much equivalent to "sec": "Try and hold it on for the moment, I'll be back in a tick once I've phoned an ambulance". No doubt derived from clock noises. tidy adj a fine example of his/her gender: "Did you see the tidy new bloke working in the sweet shop?". Blokes rather like this word because it has a definite subtext suggesting dusting and hoovering. tight adj 1 drunk: "my mother-in-law seemed rather nice the first time I met her, but I could swear she was tight". 2 miserly. I'm too tired to think of an example phrase, you'll have to make your own up. tights n pantyhose. I'm getting rather out of my depth here. They are opaque, very thin women's leggings and generally skin-coloured or black. "Tights" in the US are generally coloured, thicker, more like leggings and rarely worn. All of this makes little difference to me because the only reason I'd ever think about buying either would be if I was considering a career in armed robbery. till n cash register. The device at the checkout of a shop upon which the assistant works out how much you have to pay, and which contains the money paid by other customers. That has to be the most long-winded and hapless definition I've written lately. The word "till" is used in the US but refers to the removable drawer tray in the machine, not the whole device. tip n place in great disarray: "Your flat is a complete tip!". Derived I think from the British term "rubbish tip", where one goes to tip rubbish. The Brits do share the more universal meaning (a gratuity). Tippex n whiteout; Liquid Paper. You know, the stuff that you use to paint over mistakes you've made on bits of paper. The stuff that smells good. Heavens, that's good. Look at the pretty colours. Tippex is a brand name in the UK. tipple n a demure, civillised drink. Usually of sherry, Martini or some other light spirit measure. You grandmother might acquiesce to a "tipple" before dinner. My grandmother, as it happens, acquiesced to several tipples before dinner, and a few after. titchy adj very small. Perhaps slightly childish, but in common use in the UK: "well, the food was very nice, but the helpings were titchy!". todger n penis. "Tadger", "todge" and "tadge" have been known to slip in too. As it were. toe-rag n someone worthy of contempt - scoundrel, rotter, that sort of thing. A rather antiquated word, it may come from a time where dockers used to stuff rags into their boots in order to keep out wheat seeds, which hurt a lot if you get one in your shoe. I've never put any wheat in my shoes to test the theory. Just as soon as this makes me rich, I'll start making it better-informed. Another possible etymology is that it was originally "tow rag", which was a piece of cloth used for mopping up oil. toff n a member of the upper classes - someone born with a silver spoon in their mouth, you might say. A rather esoteric working-class term. tomato sauce n tomato ketchup. In the UK these two terms are used interchangeably. toodle-pip interj goodbye; cheerio. Rather old-fashioned. Also toodle-oo. This may be derived from English soldiers attempting to pronounce "a tout à l'heure" ("see you later") in French during the First World War. Perhaps "toodle-pip" is some sort of derivation of that involving the French word "pipe", which is slang for a blow-job. Whilst this fact is true, the derivation idea is something I've just made up off the top of my head right now. torch 1 n flashlight. The word originally referred to real burning torches and so ... 2 v ...has also developed into a verb meaning "to set fire to". tosh adj rubbish; nonsense: "Katie's new boyfriend was going on about how he works in high finance somewhere - personally, I think it's all a load of tosh". toss v masturbate. Coincidentally, to call someone a "tosser" is to suggest that they are an accomplished onanist. The word was originally in use as "tosser" or "toss-pot" to describe a drunk (tossing one-too-many drinks back) but, as with most things, has become more gloriously sordid. give a toss give a shit. totty n attractive members of the opposite sex: "Well, I'm definitely going there again. Wall-to-wall totty". Not said by me, of course. trailer tent n pop-up camper. A sort of folding-up caravan. It starts off as an average-sized trailer and then unfolds into a sort of crappy shed when you reach a campsite. trainers n sneakers; running shoes. trainspotter 1 n a person whose hobby is to, well, spot trains. They stand in railway stations or on bridges and note down the types and serial numbers of any trains that go past. I was fortunate enough to be in Reading Station one afternoon while a train-spotting convention was in town; the place was a sea of bright yellow reflective jackets and they had video cameras set up on each platform. Perhaps it's a social thing. Anyway, the term was made a household one by Irvine Welsh's excellent book, Trainspotting, which is not about spotting trains. 2 n nerd. Stemming directly from the prior definition, this word has come to mean anyone who is a little too engrossed in one particular none-too-interesting subject, and probably a virgin. tram n streetcr; trolley. A device very much like a train except it generally runs on tracks built on top of normal roads and is often powered electrically by high-strung cables (I mean ones on poles, not ones of an excitable dispisition). Trams are making something of a comeback in Europe generally, with new systems springing up in the UK. tramp n bum; homeless person. Brits don't use the term "bum" in this context. treacle n molasses. trilby n a mens' felt-type hat (generally brown). I don't know much about hats, so can't enlighten you much more. trolley n shopping cart. The device in which you put your shopping while going around the supermarket. What Americans call "trolleys", the Brits call "trams". trolley dolly n air stewardess. I'm sure you'll work it out. trolleyed adj extremely drunk. Perhaps the term came from something to do with ending up in hospital. No idea. trollop n woman of loose morals. This is a somewhat antiquated equivalent of "tart", and was sixteenth-century slang for a prostitute. trousers n pants. In the UK, "pants" are underpants, and so being "caught with your pants down" has even more graphic connotations. truncheon n The baton used by policemen to quieten down rowdy charges. The Brits still have sticks, whilst many American police forces have replaced them with unusually heavy flashlights. Tube n the London Underground railway. Londoners are clearly not as inspired as Glaswegians, who call theirs the Clockwork Orange. In the US, these sorts of rail systems are known as "subways" which, no doubt in order to cause confusion, is what the Brits call the walkways which go underneath roads, where tramps live and drunk people urinate. tuck shop n candy store. Derived from the word "shop", which means "store". And also the word "tuck". twat 1 n female genitalia. Not to be used in overly-polite company. 2 v slang for hitting something: "I don't remember anything after the boom swung around and I got twatted". 3 n an insult, generally directed at blokes. A suitably confusing example would read "some twat in the pub accused me of having been near his bird's twat, so I twatted him". On the female genitalia front, so to speak, a the poet Robert Browning once read a rather vulgar protestant polemic which referred to an "old nun's twat", and subsequently mentioned a nun's "cowl and twat" in one of his poems, under the mistaken impression that it was a part of her clothing. twee adj kitsch. Old ladies' front rooms, tartan cloth jackets and pleasant little sleepy retirement towns are twee. Maralyn Manson, drive-by-shootings and herpes are not. twig v catch on; realise that something is up: "Bob just poured the contents of the ashtray into Fred's pint but he's so pissed I doubt he'll twig". It may come from the Gaelic word "tig", meaning "understand". twit n twerp; nitwit. Made famous by Roald Dahl's book "The Twits", about a rather obnoxious couple of them. two up, two down n a house with two rooms upstairs and two downstairs. A one-up, one-down is an even smaller house. twonk n idiot. There seem to be more ways of politely describing your friends as mentally deficient in British English than anything else. tyre n tire. The black rubber things around the wheels of your car. The British spelling in this particular instance is, well, curious.